That is unequivocally the best apple crisp I have ever had! Karen Toews nudged her husband Grant who sat next to her at the Jackson dining room table still working on his own helping of the sweet, wonderful dessert. Don t you agree honey?
Grant finished his mouthful before he spoke. Unbelievable! he said. Better than Mom s!
Rose managed to look pleased and proud at the same time. It s an old family recipe, she said. It just always turns out.
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Ah yes. Grant nodded. What would we do without the old family, eh?
True enough, said Andrew, pushing his empty plate away. Recipes and stories and the occasional family secret, that s what it s all about.
My family never had any stories, said Karen. She paused and then laughed. Which means we had a lot of secrets I guess.
That s not entirely true darling, said Grant. There is that story about the time your brother John got kicked out of Sunday school. Your family loves to tell that one.
Oh yeah, that s a rivetting tale, said Karen.
Well come on then, said Rose. Let s hear it!
It s not much of a story, said Karen. We used to have to study Mennonite history in Sunday school when we were like eight or nine years old and when the teacher asked John s class who the first Mennonite was, John said it was Adam, so the teacher asked him how he figured that and John said he must have been, because he was in the garden with a beautiful naked woman and he was tempted& to eat an apple.
Well it s no wonder the teacher kicked him out of class, said Andrew when the laughter had subsided. Seems pretty clear that that would make Adam a Lutheran.
That s what Dad said, said Karen.
My family didn t have a lot of stories, said Rose, but fortunately I married into one that did. She looked at Andrew. Grant s a hog farmer, she said. Tell him the Dr. Hayes story.
Andrew looked at Grant. Did I never tell you the Dr. Hayes story? he said.
Grant shook his head. Not that I recall, he said.
Andrew leaned back in his chair. You know Dr. Hayes right? He bought the old Massicotte farmyard down by the river, as a retirement property? And one day my grandpa runs into Dr. Hayes at the post office, and they get to talking, and it comes out that Dr. Hayes has gotten a sow along with the property and he s thinking of getting her bred, so Grandpa, being neighbourly, offers up the services of his best boar, which Dr. Hayes happily accepts.
So the next morning Dr. Hayes shows up at Grandpa s place with the sow loaded in the back of his old truck and they put her in with the boar for a few hours while they go inside for a cup of coffee. Eventually they load the sow back on the truck, but as he s leaving Dr. Hayes asks Grandpa how he ll know if the sow is pregnant, so Grandpa tells him just to check on her first thing in the morning. If she s up and hungry, around rooting for grubs under the apple tree, then she s pregnant, but if she s fast asleep she s not.
Andrew paused for a sip of milk.
So early the next morning, Andrew continued, Grandpa s phone rings and it s Dr. Hayes, and he tells Grandpa the sow is sleeping. Like Abe Penner in church, he says. So Grandpa suggests that they try it again, because sometimes it doesn t catch the first time. Dr. Hayes agrees and loads the sow onto the truck a second time and they go through the whole routine again, and about noon Dr. Hayes heads back home. And again, early the next morning, Grandpa s phone rings and it s Dr. Hayes. There s been no change, he says. Grandpa says why don t we try one last time? So that s what they do. For the third time Dr. Hayes loads the sow onto the truck and they put her in with the boar and have a couple cups of coffee and then Dr. Hayes and the sow head home. And sure enough early the next morning Grandpa s phone rings.
How s the sow? says Grandpa. She s up! says Dr. Hayes. Good! says Grandpa. What s she doing? Looking for food?
No actually, says Dr. Hayes. She s sitting in the front seat of the truck, honking the horn.
Well thank you folks, said Karen when the laughter had once again died down, for a very fine evening. Best apple crisp ever.
And best pig joke ever, said Grant. And best company ever, said Rose. Andrew raised his glass of milk. I ll drink to that, he said.
