Jennifer Jackson rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she padded in slipper-clad feet into the kitchen of the apartment she shared with her best friend Kendra. Kendra was already there in the kitchen, sitting at the 1950-era chrome table, a cup of coffee sitting in front of her on the shiny blue formica of the tabletop.
“Good morning to you,” said Kendra.
“You too,” said Jennifer, putting an arm around her friend’s shoulder and giving her a squeeze as she went by on her way to the coffee pot. She poured herself a cup and then sat down at the table.
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“You must have come in pretty late,” said Kendra. “I was up till one o’clock.”
“Yeah I think I got in at about two,” said Jennifer. “We were at the cottage in Victoria Beach with Alan’s family. It’s super hard to leave that place. Especially when you’re in the middle of a game of Cards Against Humanity. I was out like a light though when I finally got to bed. What time is it, by the way?” she added.
Kendra leaned forward to glance at the cellphone lying next to her coffee cup. “It’s 10:42,” she said, “January the 2nd, 2017, Central Standard Time. Happy New Year.”
“Oh yeah,” said Jennifer. “Same to you.”
“How was Christmas?” asked Kendra.
“It was excellent,” said Jennifer. “My new niece is super adorable. And we got Dad an iPad for Christmas and watching him try to learn how to use that was super adorable too.”
Kendra laughed. “Old people and technology are a hilarious combination,” she said.
“I know,” said Jennifer. “So we got Dad to make a Facebook account right? And he was shocked how many of his friends were already on there. And then on Boxing Day I went online and the first thing I saw was that Dad had posted a status update. So funny!”
“What was the update?” asked Kendra.
“Happy Birthday from Andrew and Rose,” said Jennifer. “That’s all it said.”
“Too funny!” said Kendra.
“I know,” said Jennifer. “So then Mom went on and she posted, ‘That would be Happy Birthday GRANT from Andrew and Rose. And to the other 500 million people in the world who have birthdays today and thought this message was for them, we apologize!’”
“Your parents are hilarious,” said Kendra, “but I have to read you this!” She picked up her phone from the table. “I got my first-ever text message from my mom.” She tapped the screen a few times then leaned back to read. “My first text message from my mom. It says, ‘This is mom. Did you just get a text message from me?’”
Jennifer laughed out loud. “That’s classic!” she said. “What did you text back?”
“This is the good part,” said Kendra. “I’ll read it to you. I texted back, ‘Hey Mom, did you just send me a text asking if I just got a text from you?’ And Mom texted back saying, ‘Yes I did! Did you get it?’ And I texted back and said, ‘No. No I did not.’”
“You are so bad!” said Jennifer.
“I know,” said Kendra. “So then Mom texted, ‘I don’t understand why you’re not getting my texts,’ and I texted, ‘I don’t know either Mom, but clearly I’m not,’ and then Mom texted, ‘I guess I’ll just have to phone you then.’ So then I texted back and said, ‘No that’s OK Mom! I just got all of your texts! They all came at once!’ And then Mom texted, ‘That’s so weird. Why would the texts all come at once?’ And I texted, ‘I don’t know. Maybe because it’s 30 below outside and they freeze up. Maybe texts are like Winnipeg Transit buses. Because sometimes when it’s 30 below and you’re waiting for your bus it never shows up, and neither does the next one or the next one, but then an hour later they all show up at once.’ And then Mom texted, ‘Really? That’s how Winnipeg Transit works?’ And I texted, ‘Yup,’ and she texted, ‘That’s ridiculous,’ and I texted, ‘You’re telling me.’”
“Your poor mom,” said Jennifer.
“I know,” said Kendra. “She must have showed the conversation to Dad who is a little more tech savvy than she, because 20 minutes later I got a text message from Dad that said, ‘You should say sorry to Mom for messing with her, and also, lol!’”
“So did you?” asked Jennifer.
Kendra shook her head. “Nope. I sent Dad a text that said, ‘Hey Dad, you should get Mom to show you the text conversation we just had. It’s hilarious.’ And then Dad sent me a poop emoji and that was it.”
“Parents,” said Jennifer. “What would we ever do without them?”
