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The Jacksons

From the Sept. 4, 2014 issue of the Manitoba Co-operator

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Published: September 5, 2014

All I’m saying,” said Grant Toews as Andrew Jackson pulled up a chair and sat down at their usual table in the Café, “is that I don’t understand the point of a publication whose only purpose seems to be fear-mongering, misinformation, and dire warnings about the future, and none of it based on any kind of scientific method. It’s just depressing.”

Rodney Jorgenson, who was sitting across from Grant nodded in agreement. “And yet people swallow it hook, line and sinker,” he said.

Andrew took a sip of coffee and set his mug down on the table.

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Are we going to call this meeting to order or what?” Brady Jackson leaned back in his chair and looked…

“If you don’t like The Sun,” he said, “you don’t have to read it.”

Grant and Rodney both paused to stare at Andrew for a second.

“Who said anything about The Sun?” said Grant.

Andrew raised an eyebrow. “I assumed that’s what you were talking about,” he said. “No?”

“We were talking about the Farmer’s Almanac,” said Rodney.

“Oh really?” said Andrew. “I thought the Farmer’s Almanac was a publication of great repute full of down-home wisdom, fascinating history, amusing but uplifting anecdotes and really good recipes.”

Grant looked at Rodney. “He’s obviously never read it,” he said.

Andrew picked up his mug. “It’s true,” he said. “I never have.”

Grant nodded. “Clearly,” he said. “So let me explain something. The Farmer’s Almanac is basically a long-range weather forecast. That’s it. Everything else in it is just filler.”

“Readers claim its forecasts are 80 to 85 per cent accurate,” said Rodney.

Andrew pondered this for a second. “All I can think of to say to that,” he said, “Is so what?”

“The Almanac is predicting a longer, colder winter than we had last year,” said Rodney. “Can you imagine?”

“Hardly,” said Andrew. “”But, what if they’re right?”

“Even if they’re right,” said Grant, “they should have the common decency not to say it.”

“So what you’re saying,” said Andrew, “is that even if their actual forecast is for the longest, coldest winter in recorded history, they should just make up a nicer forecast to keep people happy?”

“Well obviously,” said Rodney.

“People deserve to have hope,” said Grant. “It’s a weather forecast for Pete’s sake. It doesn’t have to have anything to do with reality. So it’s going to be a long, hard winter? Who needs to know that? Just tell people it’s going to be warm and pleasant and then everybody can relax and enjoy autumn.”

Andrew nodded thoughtfully. “You make a good point,” he said. “So let me share this with you. This morning I was reading an actual newspaper, and there was an article in it about the long-term weather forecast. And guess what the meteorologists are saying about the Farmer’s Almanac’s forecast?”

“What?” said Grant.

“They say it may be wrong,” said Andrew.

There was a moment of silence.

“Really?” said Rodney. “They said that?”

“Like, actual meteorologists?” said Grant.

“Actual meteorologists,” said Andrew. “Scientifically trained university educated meteorologists are saying with absolute certainty that the Almanac’s long-term weather forecast might possibly be wrong. Or at least it may not be entirely accurate.”

“But meteorologists are never absolutely certain about anything,” said Rodney.

“Not true Rodney,” said Grant. “Not true at all. With all the advances in technology and data analysis meteorologists are far more confident than they used to be. I heard a meteorologist in an interview in spring say that this summer was going to be either wetter than last summer or dryer than last summer, or maybe, but very doubtfully, exactly the same. And he was absolutely certain of this.”

“Wow,” said Rodney. “Well that changes everything.”

“It does?” said Grant.

“Well, doesn’t it?” said Rodney.

“No,” said Grant. “It doesn’t change anything.”

“Oh,” said Rodney. “I thought maybe it did.”

“The thing is,” said Andrew, “even if it’s a mild, pleasant winter, it’s still going to be cold and miserable. This is Manitoba after all. Which is why I plan to head to Mexico for a week in February, regardless of the weather. Rose’s brother Doug owns a house just outside of Puerto Vallarta. In Los de Marcos. I told him we were celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary so he said we could use it for free.”

“I thought you celebrated your 25th three years ago,” said Grant.

“We did,” said Andrew. “Fortunately Doug didn’t notice.”

“So you don’t even care what the Almanac says,” said Grant. “Because your brother-in-law has a house in Mexico.”

“That’s right,” said Andrew.

“So for you, this whole discussion has been purely academic?” said Rodney.

“Yup,” said Andrew.

“That’s not nice,” said Grant. “To me and Rodney this is a matter of vital importance. Our future happiness rests on the accuracy of the long-range weather forecast. As a friend, what do you have to say to us?”

“Let it snow,” said Andrew.

About the author

Rollin Penner

Freelance Writer

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