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How about them Jets

The Jacksons from the March 15, 2018 issue of the Manitoba Co-operator

Andrew Jackson looked up from the newspaper he was reading and set his coffee cup down on the kitchen table beside his breakfast plate. Rose remained engrossed in the Scrabble game she was playing on her iPad.

“How about those Jets.” Andrew leaned back in his chair.

“What about ’em?” Rose didn’t look up.

“They keep winning,” said Andrew.

“Nice,” said Rose. “I’m trying to make a word with three i’s, three u’s and an e.”

“If you put those letters down on the ice,” said Andrew, “and let Patrick Laine whip them into a net with his hockey stick they would form a word no one ever heard of before.”

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cartoon image of a family seated at a table
cartoon image of a family seated at a table
cartoon image of a family seated at a table

“That word wouldn’t count,” said Rose, “because it wouldn’t be in the dictionary. My Scrabble app would just say uuieiui is not a recognized word and take the letters off the board.”

Andrew thought about that for a moment.

“That kind of takes the fun out of Scrabble doesn’t it?” he said. “Isn’t putting down fake words and daring your opponent to challenge them mostly what makes the game interesting at all? Where’s the fun if you can’t put down a fake word every so often?”

“Scrabble isn’t supposed to be fun,” said Rose. “It’s supposed to be annoying and unfair and make you hate strangers on the internet.”

“I thought that was what Facebook was for,” said Andrew.

“Facebook makes you hate your friends,” said Rose. “Not strangers.”

“Oh, my mistake.” Andrew picked up his coffee cup and took a sip. “This is really good coffee,” he said. “What is it?”

“It’s Kick Ass coffee,” said Rose.

“I know that,” said Andrew. “I mean what’s it called?”

“That IS what it’s called,” said Rose.

“How rude,” said Andrew. “But I like it.”

“They were out of Hoodoo Joe,” said Rose.

There was a moment of silence.

“Who do you think the Jets will end up playing against in the first round of the playoffs?” said Andrew.

“The Propellers,” said Rose.

“There isn’t a team called the Propellers,” said Andrew.

“Too bad,” said Rose, “because that would be hilarious.”

“You’re weird sometimes,” said Andrew.

“And that’s why you love me,” said Rose.

“I love you because you make good coffee,” said Andrew. “I think the Jets are going to meet the San Jose Sharks in the first round. And they will win the series in four games and send the Sharks slinking home with their tails tucked between their legs.”

“Sharks don’t have legs,” said Rose.

“That’s what Troy Westwood said on the radio the other day,” said Andrew. “He said the San Jose Sharks have lots of skill but they don’t have the legs.”

“It’s not rocket science,” said Rose. “Everybody knows sharks don’t have legs.”

“Just so you know,” said Andrew, “I may still be watching hockey in June this year.”

“Don’t expect any sympathy from me,” said Rose. “You know where the off button is on the remote.”

“If the Jets make it to the Stanley Cup finals do you think there will be riots in Winnipeg?” asked Andrew.

“Not if it’s on the weekend,” said Rose. “Everybody will be at the lake.”

“Of course,” said Andrew. “But they might riot on Monday when they get back. That would sure beat going to work.” He paused for a moment. “Could you even call yourself a major league city if your sports team won, or lost, a championship series and you didn’t celebrate by getting drunk and destroying a bunch of property?”

“Good question,” said Rose.

“I think if the Jets win and there isn’t a proper riot Gary Bettman will say Winnipeg isn’t a viable market and force True North to move the Jets to Little Rock, Arkansas,” said Andrew.

“I don’t know who Gary Bettman is,” said Rose.

“Gary Bettman is the weasel-that-walks-like-a-man who runs the NHL,” said Andrew.

“Oh, him,” said Rose. “I don’t even know where Arkansas is,” she added.

“Neither does Gary Bettman,” said Andrew, “but that won’t stop him from putting a team there.”

“I exchanged all my letters,” said Rose still focusing on her iPad. “Now I have no vowels at all. And I have two c’s and two f’s.”

“That’s like my Grade 12 report card,” said Andrew.

“I’m losing this game by over 100 points,” said Rose,” and we’re only in the third round.”

“Ha,” said Andrew. “That’s what the Nashville Predators will be saying when they play the Jets in the playoffs.”

“Predators?” said Rose. “That’s a horrible name for a sports team. I’m just gonna forfeit this game,” she added. “What’s the point?”

“That’s the spirit,” said Andrew. “Quit while you’re behind.”

Rose extended her index finger and touched the bottom right-hand corner of her screen. “Done,” she said. “It’s all over but the rioting.”

“Go Jets,” said Andrew.

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