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Annual meeting comes to order, sans snacks

The Jacksons from the January 24, 2019 issue of the Manitoba Co-operator

I would like to call the annual meeting of Jackson Enterprises to order.” Andrew Jackson spoke from his chair at the end of the table. “That means sit down, Jennifer,” he added.

“I’m just getting myself some coffee,” said Jennifer. “Otherwise I’ll just fall asleep.”

“You know if you fall asleep we’ll vote you out of your position in the company,” said Randy.

Jennifer poured herself a cup of coffee and brought it back to the table. “What even IS my position in the company?” she asked.

“You’re the junior vice-president in charge of cupcakes,” said Brady. “Did you even bring cupcakes?”

“Nope,” said Jennifer.

“You’re terrible at your job,” said Brady.

“I am great at my job,” said Jennifer. “As junior vice-president in charge of cupcakes, which I didn’t even know I was, I made an executive decision to empower all employees of the company by making them responsible for their own cupcakes. Didn’t you get the memo?”

“No, I didn’t,” said Brady.

“Neither did I,” said Randy.

“That’s because I didn’t send it,” said Jennifer. “Because I have to run all my decisions by the senior vice-president in charge of baked goods and general snacks and that post is vacant because Mom is tired of always making snacks for everybody so she resigned.”

“That’s true,” said Rose, who was sitting at the far end of the table. “I forgot to send out a formal note though because I was baking cookies.”

“Will those cookies by chance be available for snacking on after this meeting?” Andrew wanted to know.

“Of course,” said Rose. “That’s why I baked them.”

“But you resigned as senior vice-president in charge of baked goods and general snacks,” said Andrew.

“Yup,” said Rose. “I still make the snacks though, but that’s because I haven’t resigned my position as Mom.”

“That’s very confusing,” said Brady. “I move that we restructure the organization in a less confusing way to ensure the continued flow of snacks.”

“You can’t make a motion,” said Andrew, “unless you have been recognized by the chair. Who are you again?”

“I’m the chairman of the Union of Jackson Enterprises Employees, Local 12345,” said Brady.

“You’re not even an employee,” said Jennifer.

“We don’t even HAVE any employees,” said Randy.

“It’s a very small union,” said Brady. “But the membership is quite concerned about recent developments regarding snacks and also we think the junior vice-president in charge of cupcakes is incompetent.”

“She is,” said Randy. “No question. But she wasn’t doing her job as vice-president in charge of cow pies so we had to put her in a new position.”

“Moving a vice-president from cow pies to cupcakes seems risky,” said Brady.

“You guys are morons,” said Jennifer. “And I know that’s true, because I hired an outside insultant to do a report. I’m going to apply for a new position as vice-president in charge of nutbars,” she said, looking at Brady and Randy. “Then I’ll be your boss.”

“Ooooh, nutbars! Yum,” said Brady.

“We can spend all day arguing about vice-president’s portfolios and quibbling about whether people are morons or nutbars,” said Andrew, “but unless we come to a consensus, we are not going to get any cookies.”

“No cookies?” said Brady. “Who died and made you president anyway?”

“Grandpa did,” said Andrew. “And my position as president was verified by the former VP in charge of baked goods and general snacks, may she rest in peace.”

“I’m not dead,” said Rose. “I just resigned.”

“No, no, I know,” said Andrew. “I’m just hoping you have a restful nap later.”

“Well, I didn’t vote for you Mr. President,” said Brady.

“I know,” said Andrew. “That’s why you’re not in my will.”

Rose leaned over towards Brady. “Don’t worry,” she said in a half-whisper. “He doesn’t even have a will.”

Brady narrowed his eyes. “Somehow, that doesn’t make me less worried,” he said.

“Anyway,” said Andrew,” we should get down to business. Who wants to go first?”

Randy raised his hand. “I move that we change our name from Jackson Enterprises to The Jackson Drug Cartel.”

“Why would we do that?” said Andrew.

“We would do that because we were diversifying our operations and growing marijuana,” said Randy.

“All in favour?” said Andrew. Brady, Jennifer and Randy raised their hands.

“Against?” Andrew and Rose raised their hands.

“Motion denied,” said Andrew, “two votes to three.”

“Wait a minute… ” said Randy. “Two votes to three? What kind of system is that?”

“It’s a patriarchal democracy,” said Andrew. “You get to vote, but your vote doesn’t count.”

“So just like an actual democracy?” said Brady.

“Pretty much,” said Andrew.

“I vote we break for cookies,” said Jennifer.

“Motion carried,” said Andrew. “Because I’m hungry.

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