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You see the weirdest things in Las Vegas

The Jacksons from the Feb. 4 issue of the Manitoba Co-operator

So, how was Vegas?” Randy Jackson posed the question to Andrew and Rose as the three of them waited for Jackie to return from the kitchen with a fresh pot of coffee. “Hot enough for ya?”

“It was plenty warm,” said Rose. “All we did all week was sit around the pool drinking mojitos and eating shrimp. Which is a nice way to spend a week in the middle of January.”

“I can’t believe Grant and Karen paid for your whole trip,” said Randy. “I don’t have friends like that. All I have is 250 Facebook friends. And I hate every one of them.”

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cartoon image of a family seated at a table
cartoon image of a family seated at a table
cartoon image of a family seated at a table

“Ah, that’s why I don’t sign up for Facebook,” said Rose. “If I did I’d have to be one of your friends and pretty soon you’d hate me too.”

“I would,” said Randy, “if you were as moronic as most of the people on there.”

“Friendships have to be cultivated,” said Andrew. “I highly recommend that you cultivate a few. Find people you like and with whom you have things in common, and who have more money than you. And the more money they have the less important it is that you have things in common.”

“In that case,” said Randy, “I’ll be friends with Bill Gates. We have nothing in common but he has scads of money. How’s that?”

“Perfect,” said Andrew. “We can all winter together in Bill’s mansion in Barcelona.”

“You guys are pathetic,” said Rose. “As if having friends is only worth it if you can get free stuff out of it.”

“Not only worth it,” said Randy, “just more worth it. And Mom, don’t tell me you are going to pass up a winter in Barcelona just as a matter of principle.”

“I’ll pass up a winter in Barcelona just as a matter of nobody’s going to take me to Barcelona,” said Rose. “That being said, if you can figure out how to get Bill Gates to be your friend and offer you his mansion in Barcelona, I won’t turn down an invitation to join you there. Even if you are pathetic.”

“That’s the spirit,” said Randy. “It’s good to have principles, even if you don’t live up to them.”

“Spoken by an expert,” said Jackie who appeared at that moment with the coffee. She filled the cups on the table. “Was it crowded in Vegas?” she wanted to know.

“Uh uh,” said Rose. “I mean there were tourists obviously, but most of them were Americans so we had the pool to ourselves. If it’s below 90 degrees, apparently that’s parka weather in Vegas, not swimming weather. And I don’t know how to put this politely, but if you think Americans look big anyway, wait till you see them in parkas. A lot of them could pass as Paul Bunyan.”

“Or as Paul Bunyan’s big blue ox,” said Andrew.

“Gotta love Americans,” said Randy. “They make us seem so normal.” He paused and took a sip of coffee. “So, what’s the weirdest thing you saw while you were down there? Everybody comes back from Vegas with at least one kooky story, right?”

Andrew and Rose looked at each other, and then they both laughed.

“What?” said Randy.

“It had to be the Furry convention,” said Rose, still chuckling. “We were sitting in a café on the strip and we looked out and suddenly there was this random assortment of people dressed in animal costumes wandering up the street. At first we thought it was a convention of sports mascots but then we saw the unicorn and we figured it out.

“A unicorn?” said Jackie.

“Yup,” said Rose. “And I don’t know if it was because the horn kept falling down over its face so it couldn’t see or because it had had too many mojitos earlier in the pool, but that poor unicorn couldn’t walk 10 feet without falling over a hydrant or running into a light post.”

“I’m pretty sure it had been drinking,” said Andrew. “I was afraid it was going to fall off the curb, right into the traffic.”

“Oh dear,” said Jackie. “I guess now we know why unicorns are so rare.”

“That one wasn’t really rare,” said Rose. “It was pretty well done if you ask me.”

“Sounds like you guys had fun,” said Randy.

“We had a hoot,” said Andrew, “in the tamest sort of way.”

“Well in that case,” said Randy, “I’m glad that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

“I could show you the selfies we took in the pool,” said Rose.

“I’ll pass,” said Randy.

“Wise choice,” said Andrew. “Wise choice indeed.”

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